Monday, September 26, 2011

caffeinated sleepy head

Eeerrr.... what time is it? My internal clock is so f**in messed up right now. Hahaha Should I be sleepy? Hungry? Awake?? All I know that I have two hours to kill before my next flight to Jakarta :).  Thank goodness for my mbp and free airport wifi :).

@Changi Airport chugging on more sbucks :)

Was watching Kung Fu Panda on the plane earlier.  There must be some very talented people writing that movie.  It's supposed to be kids movie, but it always has such deep meanings (both the first and the second).
Your story might not have such a happy beginning.  
But that doesn't make you who you are.  
It is the rest of your story.  Who you choose to be.  
So, who are you [panda]?

It's like they're talking to me!!! I'm no panda, but I agree that you are who you make yourself to be.

To tell you the truth, I'm quite nervous about going back to Indonesia.  The purpose of this trip is to look for home.  But I keep feeling like I just left home.  I know for sure that I won't feel home in Indonesia; I'm only going there to see my parents and relatives.  Maybe that's why I'm so nervous about going back there.   Heck I'm overthinking stuff again (as always).  Being in the "now" is so difficult.  Much much easier to remembering the past or dreaming about the future :).

 beautiful sun rise on flight SFO-HK

Hmm..  I think the caffeinated sleepy head is starting to get delusional.... hahaha


Landed safely in Hong Kong!! The flight from SFO to HK was quite smooth.   I sat next to a lovely couple from Orange County who's on their way to Hong Kong, Bali, and Singapore.  The flight didn't feel long at all.  I actually have lost the sense of time right now hahaha.  I don't really know if I should be awake or sleepy.  The food on the plane was mediocre to say the least... but that's what you get with airplane food :)

Anyway, taking advantage of free wifi at the airport and just a quick update before I have to go back on board!!

flying solo

This is it!!!

It's finally happening.  I can't believe it!!  For months and months I've been staring on airplanes every time I passed by SFO, thinking when will I be in one of those planes.  And now I'm here. All checked in and waiting for boarding.

I have to say... the past week was quite crazy.  Whose smart idea was it to throw a party a day before departure?? Wait.. that would be me... Yea....seems like a great idea at first.  But between packing 11 years worth of stuff, selling car, prepping for party, and tying up all loose ends.... it got a bit out of control :-P.  Everything worked out quite nicely actually....  I think I got everything done as much as I could.  I'm glad I get a chance to meet all my wonderful family and friends before I leave.  I'm not rich financially, but I'm truly rich when it comes to my loved ones.  I have the greatest family and friends who are always there for me!

It's weird how sometimes you don't realize how wonderful things around you are until you're about to leave.  I've been so wrapped up with so many things that I didn't notice how beautiful the bay area is.  I'm going to definitely miss the bay area weather, the great food, and my favorite... the beautiful blue skies.  Hope the hot and humid weather in Indo won't be too torturous :-P.  Hey, at least there won't be fleas there!!!! (but there will be mosquitos haha). Lesson of the day: always, always, always count your blessings ;-).

Anyway... this is just a quickie post before I board my plane.  Me and all my pinky getup are ready to go!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

and the tick tock continues..

As time draws nearer to my departure, I'm beginning to feel more and more attached to everything here.  I have to admit, when I first had the idea to travel, it was because I don't want to be here.  I simply didn't think that I could live here with all the memories I've shared with him.  When shit hit the fan, I had to constantly tell myself "all I gotta do is make it thru this month" and every month I told myself the same thing.  But now that I'm finally really leaving, I'm beginning to be able to visualize how my life could be here, without him.  I'm beginning to see much beauty in this country (of course, I still dislike some stuff here, but that'll be the same anywhere).

So what is it?  Is it the fear of change?  Is it me rediscovering my sense of self?  Is it not wanting to leave my comfort zone?  Afraid of failure?  Hm... I think it's all of the above.

I know that what I'm going through might be nothing compared to what others have gone through, but to me this year has been such a whirlwind of downward spiral.  And seeing that I was able to make it through somewhat gave me a stronger sense of self.  Everybody kept saying that everything happens for a reason and that this might be an opportunity for something better.  I don't believe in any of those.  Things happen. That's it. There's no hidden meanings, no secret message I need to discover. It is what it is. It's the way you react to it is what makes the difference.  I could cry, sulk, ask the world "why" (all of which I've done), but that won't change anything.  Instead I could accept it.  Go with it.  Make the best out of it.  It's still sad. It's still painful.  But it works for me.

So now the clock is still ticking.  I'm hardly even packed.  So many things to do that I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed.  But I'm glad that I'm leaving now.  I'm leaving to explore other opportunities. Not to escape or run away.  I can see myself here, but I want to see what's out there.  Ready or not, the jet plane is leaving, and I'm gonna be in it.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Happy Birthday Me :)

It's almost about one year since my last post.  Crazy how time flies.

About the same time last year, I was living a completely different life than the one that I'm living right now.  Neither are better or worse.  But around this time last year, I wouldn't ever have imagined my life to be the way it is right now.  Life has a funny way of throwing you a curve ball.  One that's not anticipated/expected at all.   I think this year I've gone through more than I have in my whole life.  I should've made my life a reality TV show.  I swear, there's so much going on, I would've became a millionaire... haha Ok maybe not...

But in all honesty... this year's been crazy.  I've lost something that's very precious to me.  I thought I would never experience broken heart again, but there I was with my heart shattered.  For a while I didn't think that I could make it through, but the phrase "time will heal" actually has truth behind it.  I'm still going through constant ups and downs, but most of the time I'm quite alright.  I wanted to write in this blog, but I found the whole experience to be a bit too personal to share here.

Everything that I was planning on is now being put on hold.  Honey and Tea is now being kept in the back burner.  Maybe someday we'll restart it again... But for now, my focus is on me.  I'm switching this blog from a food/career journal to more of a personal one.  Soon I will be unsubscribing everyone.  If you still wanna follow my journey, you can re-subscribe. But I don't wanna fill up your inbox with rants about random stuff in my life that doesn't have anything to do with cakes/food/desserts.... :)

So... what's new?  Well for starters,  being single again means that I get to do anything and everything that I've always wanted to do.  I've done some, and next on the agenda are the big ones.  I've always wanted to go to Australia.  Always wanted to learn Japanese.  Always wanted to go to Bali.  So I'm pulling an "eat, pray, love" type of travel.  Ditching everything behind since there's really no reason to stay anymore, I'm going to go to Indonesia, then to Australia, and if all goes well, Japan.  Crazy, I know!  I'm freaking out and excited at the same time.  I'll be leaving on a jet plane at the end of this month, heading to my first destination: Jakarta, Indonesia.

Live life.  No regrets :).