Monday, September 24, 2012

Climax

Song stuck in my head. So fun to dance to :).


"Climax"
Usher

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.

I've fallen somehow, feet off the ground
Love is the cloud that keeps raining down.
Where are you now? When I need you around
I'm on my knees but it seems we're

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.

I gave my best, it wasn't enough
You get upset, we argue too much
We made a mess of what used to be love.
So why do I care, I care at all, at all, at all, at all

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.

You say it’s better if we love each other separately.
I just need you one more time
I can’t get what we had off my mind,
Where are you now? When I need you around
I'm on my knees but it seems we're...

Going nowhere fast. We’ve reached the climax.
Were together now we’re undone.
Won’t commit so we choose to run away.
Do we separate?
Don’t wanna give in so we both gave up.
Can’t take it back. It’s too late.
We’ve reached the climax, climax.






Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Food for Thoughts


Déjà vu, from French, literally "already seen", is the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has been experienced in the past. 

Timing is everything.  Everything in life happens for a reason. Yet often times I still find myself dwelling on the past or fantasizing about the future. This trip feels like a dejavu. Being here, sitting here, feels just like the last time, yet not really. It's almost like I've never left. I'm trying to cherish the moment. Yet in this silence, it's so hard to not reminisce about the past or think about what's coming up in the future. This is my moment of solitude. This is the time to silence the mind. Be still with the heart and soul. Yet the crazy monkeys keep chattering...

Change is inevitable. Change is exciting. Change is scary.

Have you ever wanted something so much, but thought that it's completely out of your reach?  Have you ever miss something that was never truly yours?

So here's some food for thoughts:

"In the end, we only regret the changes we didn't take, relationship we are afraid to have, and the decision we waited too long to make" -unknown

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser" -John W. Gardner

"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new" -Albert Einstein

Change is coming soon. And sometimes it freaks me out. When I freak out, I think of the past. How nice and safe it was back then. Back then when there's a hand to hold, something to fall back to. Then I wished I could go back to the past and just stay there. Like being inside a mother's womb; well protected, without a fear of the world. Even though you know it's not the right thing, even though it was only meant to be a temporary escape, no matter how wrong it was, the past is safe... especially in my mind, where I've decided perhaps subconsciously to erase everything that's negative.

But I was never content then, I wanted change.

I fear of the unknown. I don't like wanting things that I might not be able to get. Now and then, it's still the same turmoil. Same questions. There's been moments of clarity. Moments of fearlessness. Moments where fear of the unknown changes into curiosity and excitements.  Yet now and then they all come back.

Timing is everything. I fear, yet I desire, change.  Everything happens when it's supposed to happen.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which had opened for us - Hellen Keller 

How do you know for sure that the door has closes for good...?

I miss creating something great.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

going where the whisk goes...

Well, hello again :).

Wow, I am really bad in keeping this blog up and running! Promise I’ll be better from now on. What can I do…I’m a master in procrastinating… one of my gifts, I guess :-p.

Anyways, I’m back baybee!!! Well… actually… not really. As a matter of fact, I’m just about to leave again. Haha!


This summer in the bay area has been such a great time of my life. This year has been, overall, the craziest, most whirlwind, very much confused, filled with lotsa laughter and tears, yet a thoroughly very rewarding time of my life. If my life were a book, last year would be the “epic turns of event filled with lotsa drama.” This year would be “holy shit, more unexpected turns of events with lots more dramas, and much self reflecting and soul searching”.

“not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves” – Henry David Thoreau

Divorce is a bitch. Yea, that’s right. Divorce is a five-letter word: B I T C H. It causes so much disruption in your heart and soul. Not only that you have to deal with the heartbreak, you also have to deal with the issue of trust/betrayal, broken promises, attachment, starting over, questioning of your self worth, your identity, yada yada yada. Wow, speaking of a shit load of emotional baggage [am I revealing too much here? Oh well, what the hell… it is what it is].

I ran away last year. I thought if I just left, I could just start over fresh. But you can’t avoid dealing with life. The universe has its way of bringing you back to where you have to be. So I came back. If I hadn’t come back, I wouldn’t have figured out that I what I need to do is face and accept the past. I wouldn’t have figured out that I need to stop RUNNING AWAY.

Someone asked me last year before I left “why do you want to leave?”
I said “I need to find myself”
He said “don’t look too far”

He was right. I was looking everywhere for something to find me, when I should’ve looked within.



“peace comes from within. Do not seek it without” - Buddha

There’s a saying that there are three different types of people who will walk into your life… one that comes for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. I’ve been lucky enough to have met many people who inspire, help, love, and enriched my life one way or another. I met someone who I thought was only gonna be in my life for a season. Turns out this person was here for a reason. Life reveals things in a timely manner. Only after it happens you can look back and say, “oh wow… that’s what I was meant to see”. This person was not supposed to be anything more than anything, but I ended up learning so much about myself from him. I never understood why I get so infatuated to him. But now I realized that it’s because I see things in him that I want to see in me. Things that I have been struggling with with myself.

“unless you learn to face your own shadow, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you” - unknown

I admire his drive, his confidence. He’s so comfortable with himself that he can even be seen as arrogant. He’s so focused that nothing could divert him from his path. He is who he is and he doesn’t try to be anyone else but himself. It’s take it or leave it with him.

I wanna get there. I wanna find my drive. I have the passions, but I’m lacking the direction; I’m lacking the drive. I’ve been too scatter-minded. I’m all over the place and focusing on all the wrong things. It’s time to get my priority straight. Love will come when the time is right. When I’m full and complete, that’s when I can be an equal partner to anyone. 
 So I’m leaving again. Not to run away nor to escape. I love my life. It’s perfect. What’s there to run away from? The journey will continue on. And it could only get better :).

“life isn’t meant to be easy, it’s meant to be lived… sometimes happy, other times rough. But with every ups and downs you learn lessons that make you strong” –unknown

“be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them, And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer” – Reiner Maria Rilke