Thursday, November 29, 2012

Numb

Usher, your song and your dance moves blow my mind :).  


They say life is a battlefield
I say bring it on

If you wanna know how I feel
Live it till it's gone
I'm just saying that what don't kill
Only makes you strong

If you don't recognize what is real
Then forever is a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long

Time, some things never change here we go again
Feel like i'm losing my mind
Shake it up, let it go I don't care anymore
Just go numb
You never know until you let go
Let's go numb

I can feel you now

Keep on doing the same old thing
And you expecting change
Well is that really insanity

Or just a losers' game
I only trust in the things I feel
Some may say that's strange
You better recognize what is real
Cause forever is a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long

Time, some things never change here we go again
Feel like i'm losing my mind
Shake it up, let it go I don't care anymore
Just go numb
You never know until you let go
Let's go numb

I can feel you now
I can feel you now
I can feel you now
I can feel you now

But you can't feel it till you're numb

Shake it off, let it go I don't care anymore

I can feel you now
I can feel you now
I can feel you now

Can you feel it?

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

in between gratitude and balance

Yin and yang is one of my favorite symbols.  It's a reminder that in darkness there's always light and vise versa.  It's my way of telling myself that it's okay to once in a while fall off the wagon of gratitude and balance.

It's good when I have a sense of control.  But it's all really just an illusion because in live everything is uncertain.  And in the middle of all these uncertainty, I feel a kick of fear.  A sense of self doubt.  What if I can't deliver up to the standard that is expected of me?

"Do not feed on insecurities.  It will consume you" -unknown

It would be nice to have a hand to hold in times like this.

Thoughts are contagious.  Both negatives and positives spread like viruses.  I'd like to maintain the positives and I've managed to do that most of the times.  But alas,  it's time to yet again face my fear.

Friday, November 16, 2012

phases


This word has been stuck in my mind ever since I came back to chilly bay area: "PHASE".

There's so many different phases in life.  It's fascinating.  People go through phases in different pace.  Some people experienced so much at younger ages that they become mature early on their years.  Others have peaceful start in their youth [like me!] and it takes them much longer before they truly experience live.  Some argue that you have to be at a certain phase in your life once you reach a certain age.  I certainly don't live my life that way.  

I think my whole life I have been discontent.  I'm not saying that I wasn't a grateful, happy person.  That I am.  But at the same time, there's always this constant need for acceptance; for society's approval for me to convince myself that I am awesome.  I need constant support from the world outside to tell me that I'm doing just fine.  It's always been like that.  And I'm sure I'm not the only one, whether you want to admit it or not.  I grew up in a society where everybody judge each other; constantly "helping" each other by telling them what they're doing is wrong if it doesn't follow the regular unwritten standard of living. It's a habit of constant giving and receiving judgement.  It's not "wrong" per se, but this habit prevents the actual self to show itself.  We masked our personality so much with what everybody think we should be.  

Last summer was truly something.  It's a phase.  I dunno if it's the traveling, the meditation, yoga practices.... or maybe it's just time.  But one morning I woke up, and I no longer need that.  I can honestly say now that "your opinion matters, but not that much."  I truly do enjoy my own company and like the person that I am.  Not to say that I'm anti social.. no way.. I love being around people, but I no longer need the constant companion and approval.   

Being out there, seeing so many beautiful things, seeing what others are dealing with their lives, brings everything into perspective.  Everything could be so much worse.  I travel.  I have a great family who loves me more than anything in the world.  I have a roof over my head, blanket to keep me warm. I even have a car, a smartphone, a job waiting for me upon my return.  Sure I went through some difficult times. But who doesn't?

People actually really don't need much in their lives to be happy.  We are surrounded with abundance! It's just a matter of perspective.  If you think you don't have enough, you will never have enough.  

Back to the whole "phase" thing... sometimes people meet in different phases of their lives.  And it seems unfortunate but it's unavoidable because we go by our own pace.  I saw this quote the other day that I really like: "What's meant to be will always find its way" -unknown.

And it will.  Just like everything else in life ;).

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

big girls don't cry

Great parents are those that allow their kids to dream.  To do whatever their hearts desire.

Great parents are the ones that say "Go for it.  Put on your best effort.  If you succeed I'll be there for you.  If you fail, I'll be there for you."

Great parents never stop believing in their kids.

Great parents never stop being parents. They treat their grown-up kids as if they're still babies.

Great parents make their kids want to be better each and every day.

Great parents have healing touches.  They heal all kinds of wounds: battle scars, tummy aches, cold... and even heart ache.

The greatest parents are my parents.




I love them the most.  Without them I wouldn't be who I am today.

Big girls don't usually cry.  But there's always exceptions to the rule.